One
of the most neglected activity in the lives of couples is sexual intercourse. Research
shows that one in every three couples experience a sexual disparity with their
partner and this screams trouble. Coitus is an integral part of every marital
union and no other activity can equate its importance. To make your marriage a
blissful and enjoyable one it is important to be open up about your sexual
needs and concerns with your partner.

Issues
relating to sex are quite common but most couples find it quite awkward to
confront. A sexless union can be distressing for those who are involved.
Intimacy builds bonds between couples and fosters a healthy relationship. Men
connect with their partners on a physical level while women connect with their
partners on an emotional level.

Social
stereotypes and some cultures has lead us to believe that a man is a man and a
woman is just a woman, so it is not uncommon to see some persons say things
like “a man’s job is to demand sex while a woman’s job is to give in”. This
belief is presumptuous and naive, men and women have equal sexual urges.

Lack
of physical intimacy for men differ from lack of physical intimacy for women.
Men who are unable to satisfy their partners in their marriages are usually
saddled with feelings of frustration, anxiety, insecurity, low self-esteem and
lack of self-confidence.

Women
who find it difficult to meet their partner’s sexual needs are usually filled
with grief, sadness and anxiety. Before the blame games begin, it is important
to know the reasons why your partner withdraws from you when you reach out to
him or her in the bedroom.

A
reduced desire for lovemaking is caused by a myriad of activities which can
either be physical, emotional, mental or even spiritual. These are some of the
factors that can cause a man or woman’s libido to dwindle;

In
the bid to balance the hustle and bustle of life couples become stressed. When
this happens the body releases stress hormones; cortisol and adrenaline. If a woman
or her partner goes through a phase of extreme stress it can affect the
hormonal balance of the body. Furthermore, stress causes narrowing of the
arteries which leads to restriction of blood flow in the sexual organ of men.

STRESS

In
the bid to balance the hustle and bustle of life couples become stressed. When
this happens the body releases stress hormones; cortisol and adrenaline. If a woman
or her partner goes through a phase of extreme stress it can affect the
hormonal balance of the body. Furthermore, stress causes narrowing of the
arteries which leads to restriction of blood flow in the sexual organ of men.

LOW
SELF ESTEEM

Low
self-esteem co-exists with depression, depression can alter your system to
cause a reduction in libido. Partners who lack confidence in themselves may
have a low appetite for sex. Individuals who perceive their body images as
imperfect may feel too unattractive to want to engage in any form of intimacy.

DRUG
OR ALCOHOL ABUSE

While
a little sip of alcohol can help get partners in the mood for lovemaking,
abusing alcohol or drugs might kill your sex drive. Alcoholism and excessive
use of alcohol can cause impairment of the nervous system which will make it
quite a herculean task for you to get aroused.

ERECTILE
DYSFUNCTION

A
reduced sex drive has been fingered as one of the chief effects of erectile dysfunction.
Men who suffer from erectile dysfunction have been proven to experience bouts
of anxiety, and self-confidence which goes on a downward spiral. Most men who
suffer from erectile dysfunction preserve what is left of their ego by letting
their emotions have a negative effect on their sex drive.

SEXUAL
ABUSE

Women
and men who were abused sexually at one point in their lifetime or the other
find it difficult to connect with their partners either on a physical or
emotional level. The result is a reduced appetite for sex which can cause
friction in the bedroom

HORMONAL
IMBALANCE

Women
experience a diminished libido in their later years when they start to
experience menopause. Menopause causes the level of the female sex hormone
estrogen to drop drastically, leading to a reduced urge for sex and dryness of
the tissues surrounding the vagina. In addition to vaginal dryness, women may
experience pain and discomfort during intimacy.

Pregnant
women and lactating mothers also find themselves in this hormonal imbalance
bandwagon. For men, the low levels of the male sex hormones; testosterone which
occurs as a result of trauma or an inflammation reduces a man’s sex drive.

PHYSIOLOGICAL CONDITIONS   

Men
who are battling systemic diseases like liver or kidney diseases experience low
libido because of a slowed down production of testosterone. What happens is
that the body channels all its processes into surviving the illnesses and pays
less focus to a secondary activity like sperm or testosterone production.

CONFLICT
IN
RELATIONSHIPS

Fights,
poor communication, lack of connection, lack of trust and unresolved conflicts
can make couples especially women withdraw from their partners.

HECTIC
LIFESTYLES

Lovers
who are too busy for some togetherness sacrifice their relationship for their careers
and dreams. A tight schedule can cause low libido which can in turn put a dent
in your union. What’s worse? Couples who are too busy to take out some alone
time resort to scheduling sex. Sex shouldn’t be placed on your itinerary, it
should happen without much ado. 

WHAT
CAN I DO REVIVE SEXUAL INTIMACY

If
you discover that you are in a sex-starved union, don’t give up just yet. The
good news is that you no longer have to shortchange yourself in bed simply
because you partner does not derive fun in sexual intercourse. With these
steps, you can save your relationship and give adult movie stars a run for
their money.

  • Have a
    heart-to-heart talk with your partner

Sometimes, what happens in the bedroom does not
necessarily have to go out of the bedroom. Rub minds with your partner and let
him/her know that you understand what is going on and you are willing to go any
length to salvage the situation.

  • Go for a medical
    check-up

To strike out the presence of any physiological
condition that may have been zeroed upon as the cause of the low libido, it is
important that you and your spouse visit a physician to run some checks on the
both of you. Find out if the cause of the lack of sex drive is as a result of
side effects of medicines and discuss possible remedies or dietary approaches.

  • Visit a therapist

The bonds that holds us sometimes are more
psychological than physical. Schedule a meet with a sex therapist who will
ascertain if the cause of the low libido is mental. The therapist will go over
best treatment options with you and your spouse.

  • Rekindle the
    “Fire”

The trouble you and your partner is experiencing
behind closed doors might be as a result of lack of connection. Get yourselves
hot for each other by fanning the embers of your love.

Take a trip down memory lane to help you remember how
it was when you just met your partner. When last did you compliment your
partner? Take them out to dinner? Buy them gifts? Put effort into looking good
and attractive for your better half? These things go a long way.

  • Create time for
    yourselves

You don’t have to plan sex, leave the regimented
lifestyle to the military. If you and your partner lead busy lives, get some
action whenever/ wherever you can. You can get some tussle in the sheets first
thing in the mornings or you can get some quickie before the kids start
demanding attention.

With these steps, your sex life will not be flat-lined
and you will build a healthy relationship that will stand the test of time.
Also, there will be lots of laughter, love and even more babies in your family.


Source: insights

{$excerpt:n}
LACK OF PHYSICAL INTIMACY BETWEEN COUPLES: THE BANE OF THE MARRIAGE

Leave a comment

Member of The British Council For Complementary Therapies (MITBCCT)

Member, Nigerian Council of Physicians of Natural Medicine (NCPNM)

Member, The Open International University for Complimentary Medicines

Copyright © OIHM 2019. All rights reserved.